No One Will Want Me

I was recently working with a client who told to me they were having trouble finding their voice.  The concern was that in a field of thousands that they were not “unique” and had “nothing new to say” and the conversation ended with “No one will want me”.

I know that feeling.  There is always going to be someone out there who is more charismatic, more flashy, more marketing oriented, more “something” that you don’t think you are.  Basically – you feel they don’t have your “failing” and thus your voice doesn’t need to be heard, so why bother putting yourself out there and risk rejection?  Or worse, end up being completely ignored?

Back in 1999, I used to go to (net?). I loved it.  There were SO MANY different types of people who saw things differently than people in my normal, day to day life.  So many people would add articles and items to that site that were new to me and I would spend hours reading on their when I could. It was a site that anyone could contribute to and back then it filled a very important purpose because people did not have their own individual sites.  You were lucky if you had your own individual email account. This site was a place where your voice could be heard and it was such an amazing gift while it lasted.

I know it helped many people by providing information that was just not available any where else.  This site was also not designed for the “gurus” who wanted to make a name for themselves; everyone was welcome to visit and to contribute. It broke my heart when the owner shut the site down because there were thousands of articles on that site, going back many years.  I cringe to think of all the information lost because I don’t think there was any other place that information was available.

I don’t remember what his name was, but he caught caught my attention one day.  He had written what we would now call a blog, but back then was just an article.  He was explaining to his readers that he had stopped writing the book that he had been working on because just that week someone else had published a book on the same subject.  He had looked over that book and decided that since his book would cover the same information it was pointless for him to keep working on his.  “The information was already out there, so why duplicate it?”

I remember that statement so clearly.  I remember how it struck deep within me.  I still remember where I was sitting when I read those words, and how those words made me feel so sad.

A year or so later, I had started meditating regularly and had started having these conversations in my head while I walked every night.  I enjoyed the conversations, they were pretty cool and always about metaphysical things that I did not think about during the day, during my “normal” life.

I was getting massages back then to help alleviate the pain from a back injury I had sustained and started, naturally, to tell my massage therapist all about it.

Af the end of the conversation, she asked me if I had ever heard of a particular writer in the metaphysical field.  I had never heard the name before much less the history of that person’s books or audio tape series based upon those books.  My massage therapist explained to me that she had just finished listening to this woman’s 8 tape cassette series. She went on to tell me that everything I was telling her had been in those tapes.

I was floored. This conversation really made me think.  She ended our session by promising to bring me the tapes to borrow so I could hear it all for myself.  The next time I took those tapes home and started listening to them every spare minute I had.  And it was true – EVERYTHING that had been shared with me was in that material.

I had never heard of her or had access to any of her work – there was no doubt about that. So where did I get all the ideas that I had shared with my MT?  I did not belong to any groups where I could have overheard the conversation.  I was pretty well sequestered at that time since I was not working outside the house and the internet really was just in its beginning stages.

It took me just a little while to realize that it had not been just me talking to myself, but that I was actually having real conversations with my High Self and that it was my HS who had been sharing all this really cool information with me.

I was not wanting to publish this information – I had just thought it was a bunch of really cool ideas that I had wanted to share with someone I thought might appreciate it.  Then, the man I referenced above popped into my head.  I had received my information from a non-human source, which is probably how that author had as well, so it did not mean the information was invalid.  It was just that it had all been shared with the world already. What was the point of doing anything with the information or of telling people the really cool way it had been given to me.

Would the author have cared if I had published the material I had been given?  In the litigious happy condition the US has been in since the 80’s I am sure I would have been forced to deal with stuff that would not have been right or fair because it had been given to me by Spirit, not stolen from this author.

So, I set my information to the side and just continued doing the work I was doing to get myself back into a better state of health.  The negative side effect of that decision was that I also shut my HS out of my mind while walking after that – I did not want to receive any more information that could be potentially dangerous to my pitiful financial status as it was at that point.

But time and again over the years, the same situation in different ways has presented itself to me to review and consider and make a decision.  Can I provide something unique to those who come to me that will help them?  Is the information already out there in some format?  If so, why bother spending my time putting it out there if it was not going to truly be different from what was available.

When I finished my Reiki III Apprenticeship, I was really challenged by this concept. I had not gone into Reiki III with the intention to teach.  I had gone into it because my guides had said I needed to do it.  I had taught during the 12 months of my apprenticeship and with there being a lot of Reiki teachers in North Carolina did I really need to be yet another?  Others had more experience and others seemed to be more in tune with their gifts and so on and so on.  Why put myself out there when the field was very full?

Teaching at that point was not my focus anyway because Archangel Michael had taken over my education and was teaching me his Cleansing Work, removing detritus and demons from individuals and spaces and my time was very occupied with that work.

But still, I would get nudges to provide services to people and or to teach them Reiki and even to teach Michael’s Cleansing Work.  This was not a hobby – this was my vocation and I took it very seriously.  Finally I was forced to make the decision on how I wanted to place myself within the community.

I decided that if someone needed MY specific help, needed MY specific teaching method, if someone needed something specifically from ME, then Spirit would need to bring them to me.  I was not going to advertise, I was not going to go sell myself within the crowded crowded environment where everyone promoted themselves as unique”, even though they sharing the same information that others were.

I fully support everyone sharing their gifts and abilities in the ways that they are designed to do it.  I was just not comfortable with some individuals’ proclamations about how wonderful they were.  I was also not comfortable with how some people just used energy work as just another revenue avenue.

Different people go into energy work for different reasons.  Somewhere along the way, the ethical individual looks closely at what they are doing and why they are doing it. Unfortunately, there have been enough people to make it to ‘rock star’ status within the energy community that newcomers don’t come in to help others.  They don’t want to work with their neighbors, family, and friends.  No – they want to be the next Deepak Chopra, the next Wayne Dyer.  They want to fill stadiums with people jumping up and down to come see them, to buy their books and audio recordings, and to take exotic trips with their idols to far away places.  And, they want to make lots of money while inspiring people to do this.

Some of these individuals actually came to me for a session, hoping I would tell them that yes, it was their path to be rich and famous, that they would inspire many people along their way, that “whatever” work they wanted to do was IT.  This was what they wanted to hear from me – not the Truth.  I don’t worry about disappointing individuals during sessions – they were guided to me so I could channel messages from their HS, their guides, their Angelics and Light Beings.  I don’t whip stuff out of my hiney – I just channel the information to the client.  I have lost count over the years of the number of individuals came to me for validation of their greatness and left disappointed with the information they received.

I can not and I will not provide anyone with “what they want to hear”.  I feel for them, I truly do, but I don’t lie to anyone and I certainly will not break my ethical standards just because someone wants instant gratification regarding a dream instead of doing the time consuming work to discover who they are and what their gifts and path are.

I have one young woman get furious with me this year.  She had just graduated from college and had decided she would set up a Reiki center in town.  She was going to do really well because she knew it was what she was supposed to do.  Well, she came to me for validation of her desires and left very upset because that not the message she received.  In fact, she was given remarkably clear instruction on what she was needing to do, but she rejected it violently because she only wanted to hear what she had already planned to do.

I explain up front to each of my clients that I channel information from Light Beings so they each understand clearly exactly what I provide.  I don’t make stuff up so the client leaves “happy”.  I am a channel, a tool Spirit uses to relay messages to those who need them.  I don’t even remember 99% of what is relayed during the session once complete.  I tell everyone to record the messages on their phone if they can and I empnasize the need for them to ask questions as they come up during the session because I don’t have any information once the session is over.  I only provide the method for the message to be given.

Do I feel rejected when clients leave upset, angry to have spent money when they did not get what they want?  No.  I trust Spirit gives them the message they need to hear.

In an environment with readers, psychics and practitioners of all kinds of modalities, how do I stay fresh, how do I stay marketable, how do I keep people’s attention on me so they refer others as well as come back time and again?

I don’t.

I don’t worry about that “business” stuff at all.  It is not necessary, you see.  I do what Spirit tells me to do – if I need to work with a client or even when I need to help someone who cannot pay.  I do the work as I have been taught and guided to do and I TRUST that Spirit will bring to me those who need my specific gifts and abilities.  I TRUST that Spirit will provide me with the income I need to meet my bills every month one way or another.

I am blessed with my life and my lifestyle.  I know I am blessed because I can actually live this way right now and I know it is because I do what I am told to do.  Even when it is scary, even when I am hanging out there on a teeny tiny branch, when I am making myself a target, vulnerable to rejection and ugliness by others.  I obey even when a financial hit takes place and I am afraid of what will happen next.  I buckle down and I do what I am told to do because I trust Spirit to provide what I need to survive.  I trust Spirit will bring to me those who need me.

Trust is a topic I talk about a lot with my students and my clients.  I was not raised with any form of religious or spiritual content.  I went to church with some friends or family members now and again, but I was never indoctrinated into any particular belief system.


I am channeling a book right now for publishing.  A book that started out a couple of years ago that was completely different.  A book that was not flowing because I was hesitant for some of the material I had planned to present has been covered previously, in one format or another.  But I had a number of people ask me for a book, so I set out to do one.

Well, it never really went far and I did not want to put anything out there unless I was proud of it.  I did not want to expose myself to the ugliness some people harbor within themselves.  I did not want to be rejected for living authentically yet I did not want to reinforce the belief that by living authentically I would be rejected for being different.

The book was never completed and I refused to put out electronically what was completed because it does not provide information new to an environment overwhelmed by those who only see the spiritual and energy work community for what they can exploit.

Well, last spring I received a visit from Archangel Gabriel – he have a habbit of popping in every now and again – and he provided me with extremely clear instructions on what I needed to do.  Gabriel wants this information put out there ASAP.  Let me tell you – when Gabriel wants you to have a message you will GET IT.  He’s a doll, but he is also very particular about how he wants things said and the order things are to go in and he does not take “no” for an answer.

I read the information after I channel it; I have to edit for spelling errors and to make sure sentences sound correct for humans to understand.  It is difficult for words to properly, much less coherently, express visions shared during this work.  It is amazing, though, even when I am challenged by the various ideas presented in this material.

The content Gabriel is channeling through me will challenge what is considered “fact” by those who consider their religious beliefs sacrosanct even though the books were written by people who we would now consider primitive.  I will be challenged on how to publish this book when the time comes.  Whether to use my real name or use a nom de plume. There is concern how some will act if they ever read this information, for it will rock the foundations of their world.

Do I worry that my book will be rejected?  Do I worry that it will be ignored or that no one will want to read it  No – I just do what Gabriel tells me to do and I trust that the rest will follow in accordance with Divine Alignment.

Blessings to you; may you also live in Divine Alignment.


© 2016 Julia Knickerbocker ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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